LUCY - Okay, Ren, just lay back.
RENEE - Like this?
LL - Try to relax and get a little more comfortable. Okay. Try putting your arms up. Almost like being crucified. Over your head. [click] That's it. Surrender. Riiiight. [click] Just like that. [click] Okay, angle your face. Thaaaaat's it. [click] Great. You got it.
ROC - So is this for On Our Backs or Playboy?
LL - What difference does that make?
ROC - I want to know who's looking at me. [click]
LL - Why? [click]
ROC - Because, it'll help me give my look. [click]
LL - The fuckable look or the freshly fucked look?
ROC [giggles] - Both!
LL - Who cares? You won't be dating any of them, right? [click]
ROC - No, but...
LL - So what's your point?
ROC - You mean you didn't have anything in mind when you did those Maxxim photos?
LL - Nope. [click]
ROC - You didn't worry about how the fans would take it? [click]
LL - Not really, I was having too much fun.
ROC - What about your career? [click]
LL - What about it?
ROC - Did you think it would help it? Hurt it? [click]
LL - How would it hurt my career? I show just as much on Xena. It was just me instead my character. [click] This isn't the Dark Ages, you know. [click]
ROC - So, you weren't thinking that it would be mainly men viewing those pictures?
LL - No, I just put on the lace and leather and voila! Ms Tart.
ROC - All right, Ms Tarty Pants. Keep shooting.
[click] [click]
ROC - So what did Rob say?
LL [shrugs] - Nothing. He didn't dare.
ROC [laughs] - I bet Steve will say something. [click]
LL - Forget Steve. It's the Gabrielle fans you'll have to worry about.
ROC [in a Texas drawl] - Why, Miss Lucy, whatevah do you mean?
LL [laughs] - I can hear them now, railing about how praetorian I am. Or worse, how the writers are. [in a Kiwi Texas drawl] That sweet innocent little ol' Gabrielle done gone an' got huhself in a 'hole heap o'trouble wearin' that filthy longeree just because of that heathen Lucy gal. [click]
ROC [laughs] - So you don't think I should do the spread?
LL - Don't be silly, you should shake them up a bit. Show them that you're not your character. You're a grown woman and you can make your own decisions.
ROC - Uh, Lucy, this was your idea. [click]
LL [innocently] - Oh, was it? Come on, stand up and turn around. Look over your shoulder. [click] [click] That's it. The fuckable look.
ROC - I don't know, Lucy, you sure this will change my image?
LL [smirks] - Just a smidgen. [click] That's it, show off your bum a little. They like that. I heard my bum was, um, bite-able.
ROC - From a man or a woman?
LL [rolls her eyes] - Not that again. [click]
ROC - You sure I don't have to wear a towel or something over my bikini.
LL - What for? [click]
ROC - For the lesbians. Don't they want to think I have a brain or something? [click]
LL - Some do. I guess. But can't brains and breasts go together?
ROC - Well. Ye-ah.
Lucy stops snapping the camera.
ROC - What? What is it? Too much skin?
LL - No, no, there's something missing.
ROC - What?
LL - Hold on a second, I'll be right back.
Lucy goes into her house and returns moments later with a spray bottle.
LL - Here. We need to go for the wet look.
ROC - Huh? [Lucy sprays her chest] EYAAH!!! That's cold!!!
LL - Perfect. [click] Come on, Ren, don't cover up.
ROC - But my nipples are showing!
LL - So? Most women have them. Be proud of them. Come on, Ren, I showed mine. My top was practically see-through.
ROC [guffaws] - Don't I know it! [click][click]
LL - That's it. Great! [click] Now run your hands through your hair. [click]
ROC - What about my hair? Shouldn't it be wet too?
LL [smiles] - Great idea!
Renee dips her head in the pool and comes back to pose.
ROC - Hey Lu, isn't the "wet-look" for guys?
LL - Oh boy, here we go again. [click] Ren, the fuckable look is for everybody. Men, women, gay. straight and every plebeian in between.
ROC - Yeah, but don't men usually get off on that more?
LL - You haven't seen On Our Backs lately, have you?
ROC - No, seriously, [click] I need to know who I'm posing for. I'm not like you who can "become" the character.
LL - You mean my Hornie Little Slut routine?
ROC [laughs] - Yeah!
LL - Okay, okay, hold on a sec.
Lucy runs back into the house and returns moments later. She hands Renee a pair of eye glasses and a book.
LL - Here. Put on the glasses and pretend you're reading a book. You're sure to be an Official Dykon now.
ROC - Hey! this will work! Now I can pose for everybody!!!
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